So much to do...

Lately I have had a lot to do (and all I've wanted to do is procrastinate).  I'm doing great in my psychology class, not so great in my programming class.  Babysitting one night a week and enjoying the time with the kids.  I'm volunteering with Girl Scouts.  On top of that work is going full speed ahead.  Some days I'm organized, other days I just hope to make it through in one piece.

Invalidation

Telling a person she shouldn’t feel the way she does feel is akin to telling water it shouldn’t be wet, grass it shouldn’t be green, or rocks they shouldn’t be hard.  Each person’s feelings are real.  Whether we like or understand someone’s feelings they are still real.


All invalidation is a form of psychological attack. When we are attacked, our survival instinct tells us to defend ourselves either through withdrawal or counter-attack. Repteated withdrawal, though, tends to decrease our self-confidence and lead to a sense of powerlessness and depression. On the other hand, going on the offensive often escalates the conflict or puts us in the position of trying to change another person.

One sign of both high self-esteem and high EQ is the absence of either of these defensive responses. A healthier response, one which is both informative and assertive, without being aggressive, is to simply express your feelings clearly and concisely. For example, you might respond, "I feel invalidated," "I feel mocked," or "I feel judged."

How the other person responds to your emotional honesty will depend upon, and be indicative of:

(a) how much they respect you
(b) how much they care about you and your feelings
(c) how insecure and defensive they are
(d) how much they are trying to change or control you

All of this is information which will help you make decisions which are in your best interest.

Examples of invalidating expressions. -- Each is an attempt to talk you out of your feelings.

"Ordering" You to Feel Differently

Get over it.
Don't get angry
Deal with it
Forget about it
Stop complaining
Don't be so dramatic
Don't be so sensitive
Stop being so emotional
Stop taking everything so personally


Denying Your Perception, Defending

You've got it all wrong.
But of course I respect you.
But I do listen to you.
That is ridiculous (nonsense, totally absurd, etc.)
I was only kidding.
That's not the way things are.
That's not how things are.
I honestly don't judge you as much as you think.
It's not going to happen


Minimizing Your Feelings

You must be kidding.
You can't be serious.
It can't be that bad.
Your life can't be that bad.
You are just ... (being difficult; being dramatic, in a bad mood, tired, etc)
It's nothing to get upset over.
It's not worth getting that upset over.


Using Reason

There is no reason to get upset.
You are not being rational.
But it doesn't make any sense to feel that way.
Let's look at the facts.
Let's stick to the facts.
But if you really think about it....


Judging & Labeling You

You have a problem.
You are too sensitive.
You are over-reacting.
You are too thin-skinned.
You are way too emotional.
You are impossible to talk to.
You are impossible.
You are hopeless.


Turning Things Around

You are making a big deal out of nothing.
You are blowing this way out of proportion.
You are making a mountain out of a molehill.


Trying to get you to question yourself

What is your problem?
What's wrong with you?
What's the matter with you?
Why can't you just get over it?
Why do you always have to ....?
Is that all you can do, complain?
Why are you making such a big deal over it?
How can you let a little thing like that bother you?
Don't you think you are being a little dramatic?


Telling You How You "Should" Feel or Act

You should just drop it.
You shouldn't worry so much.
You shouldn't let it bother you.
You should just forget about it.


Negating, Denial & Confusion

Now you know that isn't true.
You don't really mean that. You are just ... (in a bad mood today, tired, cranky)


Showing Intolerance

This is getting really old.
This is getting really pathetic.
I am sick of hearing about it.


Trying to Control How Long You Feel Something, or Judging You for How Long You Feel It

Are you still upset over that? It happened a long time ago.
You should be over that by now.

http://www.eqi.org/

Arrington Vineyards Raspberry Wine

I recently visited Arrington Vineyards for the first time and was able to sample a few of the wines that I have been hearing about.  I enjoyed quite a few of them, but came away with a definite favorite when I tried the Raspberry Wine.  It is considered a dessert wine and I love a glass paired with a little bit of dark chocolate.

Wine Profile:

Vintage: 2009

Varietal: Raspberries

Appellation: American

Bottling Date: August 13th, 2010

Residual Sugar: 12.5% (Very Sweet)

Alcohol %: 10%

Tasting Notes: Fresh and sweet aromas of red raspberry juice lead into a rich, sweet red raspberry explosion of flavor; the finish goes forever and the sweetness is balanced by the natural tartness of the raspberries.

Awards: Not yet entered into competition.

Winemaker Notes: Raspberry juice was fermented cold and quickly, and sweetened with Raspberry syrup

Food Pairing: Chocolate desserts, can be used in mixed drinks such as Chocolate Raspberry Martinis.

Term of the Day

nature-nurture issue: the longstanding controversy over the relative contributions that genes and experience make to the development of psychological traits and behaviors.  Today’s science sees traits and behaviors arising from the interaction of nature and nurture.

Relaxing on a Saturday

I spent Saturday afternoon at my Aunt's house.  She cooked an Indonesian Chicken Peanut soup for a late lunch and invited me to come by and try some.  After lunch she gave me a pedicure, so my toes look very pretty this week.  Her neighbors started lighting off a few fireworks while I was there so I snapped a couple of photos:

Greeneville School

I attended Greeneville Elementary school growing up.  It was one of the best schools I went to.  Everything about the school was just a lot of fun.  Twenty years later a lot of the friends I made there are still in my life.  It was at Greeneville that I met some of the people who would shape the path that my life has taken.  Mrs. Moretti, Mrs. Sweeney, Mrs. Sawicki, Mrs. Bilda and Mrs. Clark were just a few of the teachers who made an impact on me as a student...

Sadly, the city of Norwich decided that the 2009/2010 school year would be Greeneville's last.  It was built in 1956 and needed a lot of work to get it up to code (work = money).  The city, facing quite the budget crisis, had to make cuts and Greeneville topped the list.

The news of Greeneville's closing made me incredibly sad.  Most of my favorite childhood memories center around the school and the community that was created within it's walls.

Laundromat

I currently live in an apartment complex that boasts "Onsite" laundry facilities. It's very convenient to have them right on the property... at least it use to be. When I first moved in, each laundry room had a lock on the door and only tenants had keys. However, sometime within the first year living on the property someone broke the lock and it has not been replaced. Then last week I walked over with a load of laundry. Normally there are four washers and four dryers. On this particular day, three of the washers were already in use... the fourth was moved away from the wall and someone had a hose running from the washer, out the door and down the lawn. It was attached to their sprinkler and the children were playing in it.

I waited for one of the other three washers to be free. When a woman came to get her clothes she asked me what I thought about the apartments removing the hot water attachments from the washers... I told her that I had never been informed that they were removing the hot water. It turns out that not only did they remove it, but when someone went to the office to complain they were told to deal with it or that all the laundry rooms would be removed if people kept complaining...

So, I am now saving for a washer and dryer since my apartment does have hookups (I pay a little extra to have them). Until I can afford to buy them though I have started taking my clothes to a small laundromat that is on my way home from work.

It Was Him or Me...

Cold Winter Nights

I'm ready for the winter weather to be over, but I hope we actually experience some spring weather this year.

Work has been busy, which is good. The bills continue to get paid and life rolls on.

I've been taking a little break from my photography... I don't know if it was a concious choice... things just seemed to keep coming up that have gotten in the way of me working on any projects. This weekend I'm making an effort to get some things sorted out and to start making time for my hobbies again. I'm going to see if some of my friends would maybe like to help me with a few photo projects that I have coming up.

I have a busy weekend ahead of me. When I finish posting here I'm going to go take care of my Farmville and Mafia wars. Tomorrow I am meeting my friends from college to have lunch and to go visit our old school (note to self: put the camera batteries on the charger and get the camera bag packed for the day). Sunday I'll be seeing a Providence Bruins hockey game and afterward I'll be watching the USA vs Canada Olympic game. At some point (possibly tomorrow morning) I will have to make time to do the dishes and clean the bathroom.